Who's Your Daddy????

Thursday's Thought

It's crazy how so many seem to believe and accept this idea that a child and family doesn't need a father/daddy in the home.  How sad and delusional.  It's sad because every child raised without that father/daddy in the home statistically faces a more difficult road to success.  It's delusional because most times, government agencies, family and friends are used to replace what was claimed to not be needed.

I coach high school sports and have come across so many young men lacking a father in the home and had mothers pretty much look to the coaching staff to 'teach their sons to be men'.  Many have been in financial situations where they are dependent on the government to feed, house, educate and raise their children.  Then you hear them talk about their decision to have another child out of wedlock because the first child deserved a sibling or they always wanted to have their kids close together.  WTF?  How about wanting your child to have an active and engaged father?  What about your child or children being raised in a home not dependent on government?  What about providing your child the best possible opportunity to be successful by providing them with a stable loving home environment.

It becomes a matter of what came first, the chicken or the egg, when examining if society has lead our dysfunctional policies or if dysfunctional policies have created our current society.  Regardless of the order, I believe that too many of our current policies have long lasting and negative impacts on the idea of families and raising children.  The government has supplanted the father in the home by jailing, killing, and branding men unnecessary.  I mean who needs a man when the government will send me a check?  Who needs a daddy when I got sisters and girlfriends?  Who needs a father when the government will tell me right from wrong and the police will protect us?

Now I am not saying any of these things are not welcomed and needed in society and in the realm of child rearing.  What I am saying is that while they are used to fill the void left by the lack of a man being around, nothing listed above can truly replace a FATHER!

DUFGTBAF!!!

What's Best

Wednesday's Wise Words

It's crazy to me how natural it is for people to make their reality the standard.  In a world where we are increasingly dwelling in 'right and wrong' and not appreciated differences, so much of our division comes from people wanting to insist that how they were raised and what they believe is what's best and what's right.  I understand completely that I am an opinionated individual myself but one of the things I strive to do is always search for what is best.  Not so much right or wrong nor what I am used to or accustomed to, but instead what is the best way to do something.  I wish more people approached their decisions the same way.

I say this in the realm of DIFGTBAF because I have witnessed and identified that one of the systemic causes to this epidemic of Baby Daddy and Baby Mommas is this belief that they, as children of single parent households, turned out just fine so it is okay to raise their children in the same situation.  That is an idiotic line of reason in my opinion!  This is not some inditement on how anyone turned out coming from a single parent home.  This is about what is the best for your child!

There are a number of individuals that have gone on to become great people and do great things that come from single parent homes.  There are also terrible people that have done terrible things that come from two parent homes.  Neither of those facts should make us ignore the numbers, and study after study shows children raised in homes with engaged mothers and fathers have far greater chances of becoming successful members of society across multiple facets of life.  So now matter how great of a single mom or dad you are, there is just no replacing an engaged and loving mother and father in the home.  PERIOD!

I have a high school classmate that is currently a single father.  I don't know the particulars of his situation as far as if he is full custody or what, but he appears to do a great job being a father.  He would often comment on posts I would make about the importance of marriage and children having a mother and father in a defensive manner as if I was putting his effort and work down.  I tried explaining to him that I believed he was doing a great job as a father but I pointed out something to him that I am not sure he ever thought about.  He is raising a daughter.  He is raising a future mother of children.  I asked him how will she ever learn and now how a man should treat her as a husband if she never sees it at home?  How will she know what unconditional love between a man and woman is if it is never modeled in front of her on a consistent basis to allow the level of learning gained through emersion?  You see, his focus isn't on what's best for his daughter.  His focus is on his ability to do HIS best for his daughter and because it is HIS best, that it is the best.

We should all strive to do what IS best in all facets of life.  True we must make the best of circumstances and situations but that should never stop of from searching out for what's best.

Home Skooling

Monday's Meaningful Minute

DIFGTBAF!  So for today's home schooling activity we are working on fine motor skills with my 3 year old.  I print pages from offline at least 2-3 days a week with him in addition to his art class he takes and gymnastics.

The wife and I decided to homeschool our son since the pre-school our daughter attended decided he was too young for the older group (they do a morning and afternoon split) class because of his birthday falling in February.  With the class being a co-op program, we were able to see first hand that he was more than capable of being with the 'older' kids and didn't want to slow his development so we decided to home school.  It's great because it's no stress, no forced work and it is great bonding time.  Most children want to make their parents happy and tend to excel in whatever you show interest in.  So far, both of our children have a joy for learning that we sincerely hope to kindle and watch grow.

Back to the fine motor skills.  So I printed out the sheets from kids learning station which is my site of preference.  One of the things that I do to get more out of sheets like these are to have him use different color crayons to trace multiple lines to get more practice per sheet.  It also helps to reinforce his colors and afterwards we can count how many lines.  We completed two worksheets and he ran to go show his mommy his work and take a break before completing the other two.

Times like these are priceless to me!  After we worked on the first two sheets he came a gave me a big hug and told me he loved me before running off to show his mommy.  So for a meaningful minute today, take some time with your children.  Each minute that passes is another one you will never get back.

 DIFGTBAF

A Tribe Without Soldiers is a Tribe of Slaves

Tuesday's Take

Somewhere along the way, their has been a drastic increase in the number of people that believe strength is bad and weakness is good.  Okay, maybe that's a bit far but we have definitely crossed a line where we are trying to limit and punish toughness and success while pushing and rewarding softness and mediocrity.

 I understand completely that a need exists for a certain level compassion and meekness in people and society.  I just wish others would realize there is also a need for toughness and strength.  Not just in the physical sense but in the mental and spiritual realm as well.  For some reason people fail to make this correlation between the physical, mental and spiritual when it comes to strength.  If you don't allow people to grow from the tough lessons learned in loss and pain, how can you expect them to not quit during really tough times.

The unfortunate truth is that everyone can't be rich but everyone can achieve success, depending on their definition of success.  The number one determining factor to achieve success, or to be one of the few rich people, is one's willingness to work and their unwillingness to quit!  Like everything in life, the only way to get better at something is through practice.  From a very young age, your resiliency begins to form.  Children will continually work and strive to achieve small goals like reaching a cookie on the counter and retrieving a favorite toy by themselves until a parent tells them they can't or they continue to do it for the child.  The more and more you allow your child to work things out and develop solutions, the better they become at it and the more confidence and resiliency they develop.

As a father I intend to allow my children to feel the results of their actions and or in action.  While I want and hope and pray no serious harm or pain come to them, I want them to learn how to get up after falling down.  I want them to know a loss or setback is never the end but a new beginning.  There is a quote from Thomas Edison regarding his creative journey in inventing the light bulb where when asked how he maintained his desire after so many failed attempts.  Mr. Edison replied, "I've not failed.  I just found 10,000 ways that didn't work."  That is the resiliency I hope to instill in my children.  I don't want them to accept false ceilings or fragile boundaries set up by fear and stereotypes.

I want my children to be the soldiers of their generation.  I want them mentally, spiritually and physically prepared to fight whatever battles may lie ahead.  I want to make sure they never know the shackles of mental slavery.

Jumping the Broom to the Nth Degree

Thursday's Thought Provoker

I remember when I first saw the movie Jumping the Broom.  It actually felt good to see that my problem was not an isolated incident.  I felt sad that it was obviously a large enough epidemic to warrant a fairly successful movie.  I personally feel that this problem, mothers unwilling and unable to 'release' their sons, stems from the lack of fathers in the Black community.  The absence of a father causes women to raise their sons to be their 'man' and after years of raising your 'little man' to be the type of man his father never was, they do not want to let some other woman have the fruits of their labor.  You also have an epidemic of women that choose to inflict all the anger and pain they feel towards the father of the child, out on the child, by berating and emasculating him to the point he never knows what it means or how to be a man or father.

While my father wasn't the absent father you usually hear about, he failed to meet my mothers expectations as a husband, father, and man on a fairly regular basis.  This lead to periodic 'breaks' in the relationship which made me the 'man' of the house often.  I must admit this lead me to hang on the tit much, much too long.  Kinda like the 'mama's boy' in Think Like a Man, I found myself in a situation where I let my mother run off women because of how close our relationship remained at my age.  When I finally got off the tit and on my own, my mother couldn't take it and this was the result after 7 years.


"My Mother-in-Law Believes I'm a Killer"


It is so important that we figure out how to get fathers back into the business of raising children.  The lack of fathers in the home is at the core of so many of the ills of our society.  As much as a appreciate those men out there serving as active daddies in baby mama situations, experiences like my own call attention to the need for active husbands in the home in order to allow the balanced raising of children.  Imagine a world where every child had an active and involved father in the home that rocked as a husband.

Raise the Child

Monday's Meaningful Minute:

In my opinion too many in society have list their way when it come to priorities.  Some how, the accumulation of material goods has become more important than raising a child.  I specifically use the word 'raising' a child because there is a difference in a child that grew up and one that was raised.  In my experience I have come to realize that this epidemic crosses all socio-economic and race boundaries here in the states.  Rather it is the poor white family that works 12 hours a day and relies on government subsidized daycare and public schools, or the rich black family that pays others top dollar; people no longer feel obligated to RAISE their child.

Now the reasons why people no longer feel obligated to raise their child are too numerous to list and even if I tried, there is no way I could know what's going on inside of everyone's mind.  A few reasons I have seen, heard or believe are:

1. Don't know how.
2. Were not raised themselves.
3. Can't afford to.
4. Don't have the time.
5. Can't stand the spouse.

These are just a few of the plethora of absurd reasons people come up with or allow to stop them from raising their child.  I would argue that #1 is the root cause.  Too many just don't know how to raise a child.  If they did they would know that they had to be raised.  They would know that while it does take money, it really takes time and they would make the time.  If they knew how, they would do a better job choosing a mating partner because they knew that raising a child is done best by two.

DIFGTBAF

Damn
It
Feels
Good
To
Be
A
FATHER!

I don't understand how any 'man' would not want to be a father to his child.  I try to promote and model fatherhood everyday because I personally believe the lack of true fatherhood in our society has been a large part of its unravelling.  Therefore I announce to the world that DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A FATHER!